A Hole in the Heart

Every person over time gets a hole in the heart.
You may have it too.
That one little empty place, that no matter how much you try, you cannot fill.
It may happen because it’s a gap that someone left behind. Or some place that no one or nothing filled. Or it was just a tiny little crack that became a yawning gap with neglect.
You don’t notice it at first. You are so caught up in the inconsequential things that fill your life. You are so hell bent on head ruling over your heart. Oh yes… no holes there in your head. And the heart is pushed aside as you charge through your day triumphing over every challenge that comes your way, bravely vanquishing mountains of opposition as you reach the end victorious. Oh yes… your head helped you win. So did your heart… by just stepping aside. By not being there.
And soon it becomes a habit.
Head over heart.
Head over heart.
Head over heart.
Till like a train thundering towards its destination the rhythm sets in, the fast motion, the speedily changing landscape and you feel you are moving forward with a purpose.
And while you do, you drop things by the wayside. That relationship. That opportunity to help. That chance to bend backwards for someone. That reason to go out of the way for someone. No way. You are on the right track and nothing, no one, is going to derail you.
Till you derail yourself.
And on a lonesome evening with much time for thought you realise you have reached your destination. Only there’s no one there. It’s just you on an empty platform with no address to go to. And you look inside your head for answers but there are none. And then your heart comes forward. It’s bleeding from that hole you neglected. It’s empty out there. And you can’t fill it. You can never ever fill it.
And you do your best. You lie, you blatantly lie: all is well. But the gap will not fill. You imagine, another time, another place where all is whole again, but the heart knows only the truth – not imagination. And then you try to fill the gap with things, more things, but the more you put in to that black hole the bigger it seems to get. And you realise that nothing can fill that gap you created. Nothing can stop that bleeding. Nothing that you put in there will bridge the gap.
And you crumble on the platform on your knees. Your suitcase of things you have collected over time by your side. And you realise that you’ve packed the wrong things for this journey. And you realise through unshed tears that what you should have been carrying was just one thing: Love. And there would have been no gaping void. No emptiness. No hole in the heart.