Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I am a coward

I am a coward. I am unable to speak out. I am unable to express myself.

Everyone has come forward and condemned the heinous criminals of Peshawar.
Everyone has expressed their grief to the bereaved parents.
I am a coward. I have nothing to say.

What do you say to more than two hundred parents who sent their children to school like it was another day, only to realize it was their last? Can I look that parent in the eye and say I am sorry? Can I say time heals all wounds?  Can I even say time wounds all heels – that’s really not going to get their children back, is it?

Somewhere I had read, a child as being a piece of your heart that you allow to roam freely outside. That piece of your heart is gone. Now what do you say to someone who has lost a limb – a hand or leg, or in this case a piece of the heart? That life will go on? You’ll manage? What?!

These are parents with shattered hearts, desperately picking up the fragments, holding, clinging on to the shards, even if they bleed them dry. No tears can express their grief as they walk in a daze trying to come to terms with a bleak future where no night ends, and mornings don’t herald a new beginning.  Where there’s no hope of seeing the sunshine of their child’s smile every morning. Where life stretches eons ahead like a barren landscape: endless, colourless, hopeless.

Can I talk to these parents? I am a coward. I can’t.

Instead, I’ve shrunk into a dark corner in the recesses of my mind, crumpled up into a heap. I cringe at the very thought. I can’t bear to imagine the grief. I cannot empathise with them. I cannot sympathise. There are no words. These are no tears. There are no sobs that wrack the body with grief. There is just a wounding of a heart, tears of blood and a painful realization. I can only imagine the terror, the screams, the horror that hundreds of little souls went through. Nothing, nothing will ever be the same again for so many people. I can’t light a candle even in my mind; right now I don’t see it dispelling the pall of dark despair that this heinous act has cast.

And as I make myself smaller and smaller crouching in the dark, damp corner of hopelessness, all I can say is may the rest be a little more hopeful, a little more courageous than I am.

I for one am a coward. And I have no words to say for humanity. Or the sheer lack of it.


Shini Shreedharan said...

V, you've written everything I probably cannot even bring words to.

So many profile pictures have changed to black, so many quotes, and I can't even seem to comment on this... 'episode'.

It's not the fact of 'getting used to / growing immune to' these occurrences, as much as it's the hardening of a personal belief - our species must end. Soon.

There is definitely a fraction of humans who do no harm, in fact help our own and other species on the planet. Or in their act of living, intend only the good for those around them.

But that fraction is minuscule.
Although it sounds like an extremist POV, our species must perish soon. When bad things end, co-lateral damage is unavoidable.

But for the bigger picture, it's the most viable solution I can imagine.

Our species sucks!

The courage needed for this is unimaginable.

Ypsilon said...

I agree with you. This is indeed condemnable. And yes, our species sucks.