Year ending. Year beginning.

Amidst a shower of fireworks, the whole world comes together, and ushers in a brand new year with joy, hope and renewed vigour.

Sometimes I wonder why we can't greet each day like that. But we're human, and this level of ridiculous optimism drenched in several liters of alcohol, holiday revelry and festive times spent with friends and family is sure to ebb as the morn tide rises and one wends his way to work the first day of the year.

Days like this make me retreat into deep contemplation. Looking back at the year gone by. The highs the lows. The should-haves. The would-haves-if-I-could-haves. The oh-my-God! Do-you-remember moments. The only-if-I-had-knowns.

And I wander back into the past year.

Remember the good moments. The unexpected joys. The tears.

I remember the sudden loss of a dear one. The eulogies that followed. Then another. Leaving empty spaces but a house full of memories.

Somewhere they will be looking down on me today as I look back at them.

I remember the farewells. The never-can-say-goodbye goodbyes. The last longing look at the place you thought was your own. The tearful hugs. The lack of words that said so much. The no love lost feeling. The love that has prevailed. The love that was lost.

And you look back at new beginnings. A valiant attempt at sailing uncharted seas... That, when you don't quite know how to sail! Ridiculous optimism best describes it. But don't they say, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger? Well, I'm alive. Enough said.

And then you reflect on the milestones. The years. The numbers. The celebrations. The reunions.

The trials and tribulations of near and dear ones. Their losses were  your losses. Their gains your joy.

And you look back at your children's new milestones. The graduation. The awards. Accolades. Recognition. And you fluff up with pride because there is one little strain of your DNA that speaks through them and you take credit for the entire genealogy and claim territorial rights and walk six inches taller. Oh the joy!

And the sorrows. As you feel their pain and their disappointments. Real. And imaginary. But they are as much your own as theirs.

It's a wonderful day to get lost in the Walden of your memories and feelings. And listen to nostalgia. Nostalgia has no dates. You are not limited to only one year .A decade or two can be bridged with a nimble leap.as old songs stir strange memories in the forgotten recesses of your mind.

And then you keep slipping back and wonder what would you have done differently.

You don't have the answer.

And if there was an answer, it's in this year.

Happy 2012.