Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A Hole in the Heart

Every person over time gets a hole in the heart.
You may have it too.
That one little empty place, that no matter how much you try, you cannot fill.
It may happen because it’s a gap that someone left behind. Or some place that no one or nothing filled. Or it was just a tiny little crack that became a yawning gap with neglect.
You don’t notice it at first. You are so caught up in the inconsequential things that fill your life. You are so hell bent on head ruling over your heart. Oh yes… no holes there in your head. And the heart is pushed aside as you charge through your day triumphing over every challenge that comes your way, bravely vanquishing mountains of opposition as you reach the end victorious. Oh yes… your head helped you win. So did your heart… by just stepping aside. By not being there.
And soon it becomes a habit.
Head over heart.
Head over heart.
Head over heart.

Till like a train thundering towards its destination the rhythm sets in, the fast motion, the speedily changing landscape and you feel you are moving forward with a purpose.
And while you do, you drop things by the wayside. That relationship. That opportunity to help. That chance to bend backwards for someone. That reason to go out of the way for someone. No way. You are on the right track and nothing, no one, is going to derail you.
Till you derail yourself.
And on a lonesome evening with much time for thought you realise you have reached your destination. Only there’s no one there. It’s just you on an empty platform with no address to go to. And you look inside your head for answers but there are none. And then your heart comes forward. It’s bleeding from that hole you neglected. It’s empty out there. And you can’t fill it. You can never ever fill it.
And you do your best. You lie, you blatantly lie: all is well. But the gap will not fill. You imagine, another time, another place where all is whole again, but the heart knows only the truth – not imagination. And then you try to fill the gap with things, more things, but the more you put in to that black hole the bigger it seems to get. And you realise that nothing can fill that gap you created. Nothing can stop that bleeding. Nothing that you put in there will bridge the gap.
And you crumble on the platform on your knees. Your suitcase of things you have collected over time by your side. And you realise that you’ve packed the wrong things for this journey. And you realise through unshed tears that what you should have been carrying was just one thing: Love. And there would have been no gaping void. No emptiness. No hole in the heart.


Nirmala said...

How amazingly true! Would like to know where do your stories emanate from - life or fiction?

~Ni said...

I *heart* this =P
And you know ma, having you fills up any gaps in my life.
I *heart* you =D

Pushkaraj Shirke said...

.......... :)
reminds me of a poem i wrote long ago ...

Aksar zindagi mein hum
kai khwaab sajaate hai,
aankhon ke daaman mein aksar
kai deep jalaatein hai,
andheron se anjaan..
apne hi khwaabon mein
zindagi si ek mehfil
sajaaye jaate hain.

chalte chalte zindagi mein
naa jaane kab raahon mein
andheron mein hum
yu kho jaatey hai...
unhi sapnon ko bech kar
andhere mitaaney lag jaatey hain
aur aksar unhi bujhey huye
chiragon ke sheeshe aankhon se lahu bahaatein hain

aksar, samjhautey jo kabhi
bas kuch zarrey theyy zindagi ke...
aksar zindagi hi ban jaatey hain.

-Pushkaraj Shirke


Ypsilon said...

It's a bit of both. Life as one sees it. And the ideas that burst forth when you see it. And then it translates to a bit of fact and fiction. My story blog has some stories that are based on true life experiences. Some are pure imagination! But all are life :-)Thanks for commenting! I do appreciate that.

Ypsilon said...

So there's one less hole in the heart... I'm glad :-) HUGS!

Ypsilon said...

Well said... it's all about compromises... samjhauten... and then that gap widens... isn't it?

Sheba George said...

Yeah..The story of many millions dotting this world.. only seeing others overcome so much of grief.. fears.. denials.. seeing an old man riding a bicycle towards the end of his life, make one feel that our holes are manageable..We are still blessed. Lots of love dear friend.

Ypsilon said...

Yes... all the gaps in our life are nothing compared to what a whole lot of others go through...

Kavinder said...

I believe that we ourselves drill most of the holes in our hearts, by reliving the memories of painful days, stressed relationships, etc.Living in the present moments will surely leave us with healthy hearts.

Ypsilon said...

Yes we do, don't we?! But living in the present is also an art to learn and not many of us know that. We are either stuck in the past or worried about the future, not making the most of now. When we learn that, I agree with you,Kavinder, we will have happy healthy hearts!