Saturday, November 22, 2008

Traffic Offenders and other roadies (1)

I just read it in the afternoon daily. The headline boldly states that all traffic offenders have had it; their luck has run out. While they go on to elaborate about drunk driving and other offences there are other offenders that seem to be going unnoticed. I wish to draw the attention of the traffic police to these.
This one here is just the beginning…

Now let’s face it It’s a jungle out there. The breed (four-wheeled, four-legged, and even two-legged kinds) you meet on the road as you wend your way to your destination is quite something else. Here is an attempt to identify the real offenders on the road. Through this and other posts.
With a plea to the traffic police to do something about it.

The Holy Cow

Let’s start with non-vehicular intrusions. Chances are you are likely to say, “How now, brown cow” to the local temple inmate. The holy cow.
Don’t get me wrong. I am pro cows. Pro animals. I am just an anti cow-on-the-road-and-not-in-cow-shelter person. I just feel that every creature has its place in the universe and the third divider after the fourth signal on S.V. Road is not really what the great Creator planned for this divine animal.

There she is in all here glory. All brown and lean legged. She eyes you like a smart teenage girl chewing gum with complete disdain. You could earn your celestial brownie points by feeding her from the mound of grass (that is anyway within her reach) or you could simply be considerate and not honk even if she stands steadfastly in your way looking at you like you are quite another species.

In any case, wend your way without the swish of her tail cleaning your windshield and chances are you will meet her cousins further up the road. Unfortunately these are really likely to be up ON the road, sitting plonk in the centre of the busy street ruminating on various aspects of city life. I personally like to think, that they must be thinking over the sad state of traffic in today’s day and age.

Go north and you will meet some more country cousins. The friendly buffalo. You could manoeuvre around the hulk but I suggest you maintain your distance. You don’t want to blow your horn, because they are armed with more lethal ones. And you don’t want to get into an argument with them because they speak a louder language. All you can do is arm yourself and your car with loads of deo. (And please. Don’t even bother with Axe. You don’t want that effect here.)

What can the traffic police do?

In the first place, proceed with cowtion. Who is the real offender here? Anyone worth their two cowries knows that these fellow bovine roadies cannot be arrested, disrespected or otherwise maltreated. It’s their owners who are to blame for sheer neglect and callousness. Can’t temples have modern cowsheds with automatic feeding facilities? And cleaning facilities too? And can’t the ones who have parked themselves in the centre of the busy arterial road in peak hours be gently led away by their owners? Can’t those owners then be heavily fined? Can’t we ensure that the cow shelters actually shelter cows and not some undefined, dark activity?
Wouldn’t you agree that there are many parts of Mumbai where traffic will flow smoother if this one aspect was taken care of? And you never know, we may even get additional blessings from these divine animals.

TO BE CONTINUED…

5 comments:

Jal said...

All I can say is that the next 'BUSYBEE' has emerged from the shadows. : )

Ypsilon said...

Thanks Jal. That's a compliment worth prizing!

bips said...

hahaha...that was fun to read! i liked the earlier blog post also

Satish said...

Hey, that was brilliant and to the point! Yeah high time we get rid of these domesticated free runners off our roads! These meandering bovines are the talk around the International community, especially among those who have had the opportunity of travelling through our roads in India!! One gets to hear their sniggers and they have a go at our total lack of civic/road sense! Can someone help??

This is indeed a genuine problem!Absolutely well written and extremely funny too!Enjoying them thoroughly ! Keep them coming !
As Jal siad, there is a definite inherrent talent in you which has finally found an opening, thanks to blog space...! Cheers!

Grown up said...

Extremely funny, cant wait to see what you have to say about the two legged ones, the three wheeled ones and of course the four wheeled monsters!!